so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
