You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
