she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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