Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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