Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
