Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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