When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
