i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
