Too much gin, very little bucket
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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