she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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