I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
