John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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