he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
