y did u give ur computer a hand job?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
