me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
