hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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