piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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