We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
