Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
