this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
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