just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
