You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Even my vagina gasped.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
