The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
