That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
