Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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