Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
