Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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