He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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