i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
