The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
