Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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