im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
