Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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