Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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