I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
