So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
