and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
