wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
