omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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