i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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