i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
