i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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