I can text with my tongue
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
