You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
