i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
