i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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