id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
