How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
