please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
