you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
