We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
